Thank you for the words, I'm glad you took the time to read.
The answer to your question is super complex. YES, I want us to be in the band more than anything. YES, I'd do anything to make that happen.
As far as school being a priority: I feel that that is the most logical assumption to make. Yes, I think we could do great things as a band. Yes, I think we worked well together and made good music. Yes, it is truly my strongest passion. Unfortunately, it is an unstable one.
Even though I fully believe that we could be a successful band, it's highly unlikely that it will happen. Pursuing my degree is just the sturdiest path to take. I'd rather put the band off for school, and be able to focus on the band after I've begun my career. In my opinion it would be silly to put off my degree for the band because the odds of making a living from it are painfully low. I'd love more than anything to be able to set school aside because we signed some major deal or scored a spot on a national tour. But, I can't bring myself to bank on that slim possibility.
Not only that, my studies are helping me grow as a musician. I'm learning theory and classical technique for the first time and both my understanding of music and my musical skill has multiplied astonishingly in a relatively short time (for me of course).
I guess what it boils down to is my own selfishness. The ideal situation for me would be one where I can pursue my studies while also staying active with the band. That way I could grow in both aspects of my musical life. Sadly that is where the catch 22 lies for me. I can't expect my best friends to cater to my own dreams. And this is where the aches lie for me.
There's not really much I can do besides hope that their hearts are so into it that they take the initiative to relocate to the best of their own abilities. I can't demand or even expect them to make that decision. I can't make them feel the way I do about making music together.
It just feels shitty knowing that I caused caused the fallout, and want them to change their own paths to fix it.
Thanks again for caring. It means more more than you'll know.