I've messed up our life, but I love my family...

I read you entire post, and I too am a 42m, married with two younger children. I am going to give you some tough love, do not take this as a personal insult. You can not buy love, stop trying. Stop living beyond your means, the stress you are putting on yourself and the way you view yourself is the same way your children view you. Stop living 100% for your family, do you want your children to see/remember their Dad as a Happy person or a stressed out asshole who would just buy them crap. I 100% disagree with your mindset about the male having the provide the lifestyle, we are not caveman anymore, let go of your 1950s mindset. Your wife going by your words, does not sound like a partner, but rather a person contributing to your downward spiral. Do not let her treat you that way. You need to make some big changes, and quickly. As sad as this is for me to think about, it applies to us all and that is our Kids will move out/on and start their own lives. Your wife sounds like she is waiting to take you to the cleaners. Get your life in order, starting with your finances. Find ways to save money (cut the cord, cheaper cars, eat our less), and pay off debt. Let your children know money is tight, and teach them the value of a dollar. There is no shame in that. Your life is not messed up, but you need to make changes. Stop trying to keep up with the Jones. Enjoy this time with your children, but stop trying to buy their love with money you do not have. Spend quality time with them and create lasting memories. Stop letting your wife treat you like a door mat. Get back into shape, eating healthy and loosing weight will do wonders for your self esteem. Life is tough for us in our 40s, youth is leaving us and old age is knocking on our door. Our young children no longer need us as much and marriage seems so difficult. 100% of your problems are fixable, but it is up to you if you want to change and improve your life, or keep the same course, which sounds like it is heading toward rock bottom (bankruptcy, divorce, etc). I was in a similar place in my 30s, and I had to made some hard choices. Good luck to you, I hope you are able to make some positive changes.

/r/40something Thread