Jasmine is a princess with no ladies in waiting, no handmaidens, no female servants of any kind.

Okay, one, it's animation, they try to avoid utterly pointless extras (you may notice not only a lack of female servants, but servants at all). it's also a story, they try to avoid utterly pointless characters.

Two, it's Jasmine, she's the one who complains about being a princess, she complains that she never gets to do a thing on her own (which you can take as an indication that she does have servants and we just don't see them, but I digress). I really doubt she wants people waiting on her.

In fact, the only servants she has are guards. Male guards. Male guards who are very clearly not intended to be eunuchs.

Yes, the guards that take orders from Jafar are totally HER servants!

And I'm not really a history expert, but somehow I don't think female guards would really be an accepted idea during times when they were still building the Sphinx.

And what does this even mean, anyway? What does their existence have to do with your stupid theory?

That’s… a bit odd, especially considering her father is obsessed with keeping her isolated and hidden in the palace,

It's odd that she's isolated because her dad's so obsessed with her being isolated. Wat.

and with strictly obeying marriage laws which, we can assume (since three men stand around arguing over who gets to deflower marry her) depend heavily on her remaining a virgin.

Your baseless logic leaps for the sole purpose of bringing sex into this annoy me.

But we see later in the movie that the Sultan can change the marriage laws on a whim. This speaks to a man trying to teach his child a lesson about how hard it is being a woman. It speaks to a man trying to convince his daughter not to be a woman.

That, or the Sultan, shock of shocks, thought the man that risked his life to save him, his kid, and his kingdom was worth abolishing a totally pointless law for.

Jasmine’s only companion besides her creepy male guards

They never so much as talk to her outside of one conversation when she orders them to let Aladdin go. They are not her companions.

and out-of-touch father is her pet tiger, Raja. The princess’s tiger is literally named “Prince.” And her “prince,” which seems large and scary at first glance despite being loveable and fun, keeps driving away male suitors. And what’s one of the first things Jafar decides he needs to do when he wants to sexualize Jasmine? He shrinks her tiger.

I don't even have the slightest clue where they're even trying to go with this. Raja is supposed to...symbolize her former self or...? Smacking vague symbolism on some random object/animal is usually a good sign of desperation.

And Jafar shrinks him when and only when he comes running at him, presumably to kill him. Jafar didn't find it a priority, the tiger kind of forced his hand there.

And let’s talk about that red outfit Jafar puts her in. Jasmine is one of the few Disney princess to be overtly sexualized. And if there’s one things cis people love to do, it’s sexualize trans women.

How come no one tells me our national past times anymore?

After all, changing your gender presentation can’t be about seeing the world through more genuine eyes or being a more fulfilled person, like Jasmine talks about wanting in her introduction; it must be about sex. It’s not exactly a trope in Disney movies that the heroine needs to be vamped up when captured; The Horned King doesn’t sexualize Eilonwy, Beast doesn’t put Belle in something more revealing, Malificent doesn’t sexualize Aurora (despite Malificent obviously being gay). Even Disney’s other princesses of color don’t end up getting that kind of egregious treatment, even though white people love to eroticize women of color.

So, basically, "Disney did something in one movie that they don't do in any other ones! This NEVER happens, and there is NO OTHER reason for it! None! What is this 'variety' you speak of?

Jasmine hails from one of the most medically- and scientifically-literate cultures in the ancient world. A culture that already had a concept of transgender women, and has transgender priestess of various faiths. So it’s hardly a stretch to believe it isn’t appropriate for a fantastical, Arabian-knights-style setting.

The movie has magic in it. Technically NOTHING isn't appropriate for it. That doesn't make it any less ridiculous.

So let’s talk about this. Let’s stop hiding the fact. Maybe it was too taboo to discuss in 1992, but it’s 2014 now and Jasmine is Disney’s first trans princess, and more people need to know.

"I meticulously combed through a movie and cherry picked bits that kind of, sort of, maybe a little point to this idea if you squint and are drunk. It's FACT now, guys!"