I am not talking about some secret mission or anything like that. I know how this all sounds and it's not that. I am of sound mind and I'm not currently experiencing any kind of psychotic break that would produce those kinds of delusions.
When I say elder I mean older person who is trustworthy.
My situation is starting to appear like a cult abuse situation which has led me to suspect that some kind of jewish theologian might be able to help me. I don't trust the Christians because my family is an abusive "christian" family.
What my family had me working on has forced me to seek out some kind of Jewish humor or "arguing" to keep them at bay for a while.
Its maddeningly complex which is why I am now seeking out others who may be able to understand.