JNMIL Is Repeating History And Going To Lose All Her Sons

For 34 years my JNMother did this with my sister and I, she lied, manipulated, and schemed to drive a wedge between us to the point that we saw each other once a year despite being an hour and a half from each other and I missed so many milestones in my nieces lives. We had no idea what she was doing until one Thanksgiving (the one holiday we shared due to marrying men with different religions) when our JNM couldn't reign in her narcissism. Long story short she left my sister and I alone for the first time since I needed a babysitter and then my BIL made an off handed comment about something in our house (we hosted) that was completely different from the actual repair situation we had gone through a few months earlier. This opened a flood gate and for the next 2+ hours our husbands sat there slack jawed while she and I went through as much as we could think of since our childhood comparing notes and boy where there major discrepancies between reality and what we had been told. Almost 5 years later JYSister and I are as close as can be and are both no contact with out mother. BIL is the only one who is in contact with her and that's because he's her landlord so it's all business on his end.

So there is my resume and here is my advice based on my personal experience: She won't own up to what she has done nor will she apologize for it. She will play the victim to everyone and anyone who will listen to her about how the four of you ganged up on her and one of you (most likely you OP since she already tried it) will be the ring leader/instigator of this attack. She won't mention it to you four for a bit, she'll sit back, lick her wounds, and plot her next move. Then she'll make sympathetic/apologetic noises in hopes that you will rug sweep with her and everything will "go back to normal".

What you, your DH, BIL, and SIL need to do is have 100% transparency about any and all interactions with her. Whenever I get an email (I'm still the GC and she's not blocked because it is our early warning system) I immediately forward it to her then text JYSister that it's in her email so she doesn't get blind sided. This way we both know what has been said and there is no room for misunderstandings. We are open and honest with each other and provide support when needed. The 7 of us (JYS and her family =4 + DH, me, and JYMIL) stand together, protect each other, and shut her down every dang time she tries. You have to have each others backs and not fall for the old tricks. You are on to her now and she is in panic face saving power grabbing mode which means she is dangerous like an injured animals. Do not open so much as a window for her to crawl through.

Protect yourselves and each other and in the end your relationship with BIL and SIL will be stronger, you will be happier, and your lives will be much more peaceful.

/r/JUSTNOMIL Thread