Jumping between being over it and absolutely devastated

Been 18 months for me. She’s already had other guys and FWB. Tried to be friends or just hang and see a year after. Got really weird for her, and emotional. I have my boundaries, and she get drunk and try to hook up then say she doesn’t want to be with me. I didn’t wanna do that, as we had a past. It felt demoralizing to me.

But yeah, I have many days where I feel great and some I’m just not. But it’s not always so much her in general. It’s just feeling like people are shitty, and I just can’t ever have a decent relationship without drama or selfish gains on the others part. I feel like sex and relationships, are held in high regard for me personally. I’m a very sweet, emotional monogamous person I’d like to think. But I just feel like people treat sex like a handshake, and nothing more. I just can’t wrap my head around hookup culture at my age. It kinda goes against my feelings, and just who I am. I feel like my ex, when we tried to be friends, was trying to use me for sex. Then rejected the notion of anything, because I didn’t wanna hook up without anything more or talking seriously. I’m just done I feel with sex, relationships and everything for awhile. I just feel like everything is smoke and mirrors. I dunno, I guess for me I don’t wanna feel hurt or deal with it again. So that plays on my mind, that nothing will be true and heartfelt. Maybe someone will prove me wrong some day. I just feel uncomfortable about relationships because of it now, if that makes sense.

/r/BreakUps Thread