I’ve had several long term relationships really long term relationships. My relationship with this SO was the shortest. I can say with all honesty i experienced some of the worst and best moments of my life with him. Without getting into detail, I too question why I feel the way I do, knowing the feeling may or may not be reciprocated, hence the letter. It is not that I have not let go, I have accepted it. I had to let go of the past because it nearly killed me. I had to pick myself up from the proverbial gutter and decide to throw everything I have within me into myself. A year ago I was poor me, desperate for him, depressed, lost, reckless in my choices of ways to escape his memory and then one day I said fuck this shit and literally changed my life. Truth be told we always had this insane connection and I always knew had we not made a really dumb decision early on, this would be a whole other outcome. I can’t dwell on it, bc no one can predict the future. What I can do is do my best, work on the unresolved feelings, understand what was broken and fix whatever it was in me that participated (my part) in breaking us.

This is the first time in my life I have not moved on. It’s not that I can’t it’s because I won’t. One I’m moons where ready bc I compare everyone to him, second I’m not all the way sure I could ignore red flags, third I have to love myself before I can even think about trying to love another. A relationship will never stand the test of time if it’s based on codependency.

I can give you this advice, accept the things you can not change, realize everything happens for a reason, understand that you are allowed to feel the emotion of loss and mourn her, change your perspective from it’s over and I’m not with her to, I’m thankful I knew her and happy to have shared the good times. Think about you, I have heard that when you stop trying to find love, love finds you...at least when I’m ready I hope it’s the case. I don’t fear being alone anymore, I actually enjoy doing me. I would be a liar if I said I didn’t think or feel everything you expressed to me, I just choose to change my perception and whatever comes about it, will happen without being forced.