Just after opinions really (UK)

Stress is really crazy. For me, healing from the depression meant coming to understand what stress is, and how it impacts my brain and body.

The human body treats high-stress as a "fight or flight" response, similar to being attacked by a lion. Imagine trying to do something that requires focus, like calculating your yearly household expenses (a task that requires accuracy), while in a room with a hungry lion (trying to remain still, because if you move, it will eat attack you). Not such an easy task, right? Hard to focus on the task and deliver accuracy, when your mind and body are switched into a fight-flight paralysis.

In my experience, when the stress overwhelms me and then I have commitments that are on top of that as well, I either explode -- because I can't handle the added pressure -- or I have the get out of that experience immediately and seek refuge to cool down.

It's been a learning journey of understanding stress, setting limits as to how much I can handle, identifying and minimizing the triggers (ie. when we had financial problems, I used to blow up when my wife wanted to spend our limited funds on things we didn't absolutely need; we had arguments in the store as a result; and from that we determined we each needed our own "cash" to spend on questionable purchases the other doesn't agree with), and creating actions as to what I will do when I notice I'm becoming overwhelmed. An important part of that is communicating my feelings and needs clearly with my spouse, so that in those intense moments, she gives me the space that I need to calm down. It means also having a support network of people I can call to talk about my experience when I need to get something off my chest, so that I'm not overburdening my wife with all my deep crap.

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