I used to go on 2 day cocaine alcohol benders like every weekend for 2 years. Then I realized holy fucking shit what am I becoming? Then one day I basically just took a step back and started to see what I was turning into. And January 28th 2019 I started my sobriety. I went on like 3 months of 100% sobriety and that’s when I started thinking... why am I so sober? Why am I over dramatizing my problems and becoming this “sober guy”? I felt like I actually didn’t have a problem!! And then summer hit and I went on a couple benders and that really showed me what level I’m at. I realized I have developed actual issues with my addiction. And this year I’m so confident this is my year of actual sobriety. I hope that explains why what you said literally hit me so hard. After summer I really really tore myself apart because I just felt so damn hypocritical