In my husband's defense, he doesn't let any of the kids treat me poorly. That is one of the few things he will snap at SS over. SS is a mopey, shrug and say "I don't know", and hardly speak at all kind of kid. He always has been. The few times he has been rude to me my husband laid into him and told him in no uncertain terms that he has to respect me, listen to me, and be polite. SS follows the letter of the law, if not the spirit.
His main failing when it comes to SS is he buys his lies. Like poop under a folded towel incident-- he'll believe SS didn't see it. Even though it makes no sense.
As far as pushing off the parenting, I choose to do it because I feel it is what is best for the kids. My husband and I have wildly different ideas of how to raise kids. My husband owns a successful business now but was a hellion growing up, with almost no supervision, and barely passed highschool. He had to have all his teeth pulled due to lack of dentistry, but honestly prefers dentures. He believes that the important thing for kids is to have independent experiences growing up. If I didn't do these things, he wouldn't do them either. It would get to the kids birthday and he'd say "happy birthday. Want to do something today?" Rather than plan a party. If a tooth was painful he'd take the kid to the dentist but doesn't see much preventative care. I used to be mad at him for not being what I saw as there for the kids, but he has different value than I do.
If I didn't have a child of my own, I'd honestly not really bother either. But I have a kid and I'm not going to set up different childhoods in the same house. That's not fair to the kids. I'm also not going to not do what I think is important.
I realize this isn't for everyone, but I'm ok with my marriage. We have no shared biological children and I appreciate him not telling me how to raise my child. I have 4 years of his kids in the house left. (He's absolutely on board with making his kids move out after high school); I have a lifetime left with a man who treats me with unmatched love and kindness. As far as a partner outside of parenting, I couldn't ask for anything else. I love this man so l, so much.
As far as how else is SS going to turn out? Well his sister has the same parents and turned out very differently. I strongly believe kids come hardwired in many respects.