i am so sorry this happened to you! my heart goes out to you. having to experience this in your own living space would make anyone panic! my question is, how is your relationship with your fiance? you say this was an accident, but you don't feel safe going back to your apartment. is it the presence of a gun that makes you feel unsafe? the idea that this could happen again? or is it your fiance? i ask because your fiance is the person that should make you feel the safest in the world. that space is the one you should be able to feel the most safe in. if it's the gun then you should talk to them about possibly getting a safe if they do not have one, or getting rid of the gun. if it's a distrust you have in your fiance, then i think that should tell you a lot about why you no longer feel safe. i know that after a traumatic incident like the one you experienced it can take a while before you actually feel safe again and begin to recover from what happened, but the way you talk about it gives me a vibe that it's something larger than the gun? i'm sorry if i'm assuming there!

it sounds like you have no good options right now, if you don't want to go back to your apartment. you'll have to stay somewhere, whether that's at your mom's house or back at your apartment or if you can even find a friend to stay with for a while. no good option does not mean no options at all however. you go to college, do they offer any dorms? do you see a therapist? if you do they might be able to give you some resources! i would recommend seeing a therapist if you don't currently. if you have to go back to your apartment, or have to stay with your alcoholic mom, please know it is not the end of the world and the end of your progress even if it feels like it! i think getting to the bottom of why you feel unsafe in your apartment after this accident is the first step! after that you can take a step back and reevaluate where you would rather be, if you feel safe going back to your fiance, and what options you have and what steps you will have to take to get yourself back on track. the future is not gone for you! you can save little by little if you want an apartment of your own, you can talk to a therapist and obtain resources. do your best to not let this overwhelm you. be as scared as you need to be right now because that is the first step to figuring things out! one thing at a time! i'm wishing you the best!!