This post might attract a lot of people who want to rant and rave about the fact that abortion is, ultimately, a woman's decision. You have no recourse, one way or the other. I have no interest in the social debate of that, no interest in talking about the right and wrong. But we have to start from a place wherein your wife, if she wants to keep the baby, is going to keep the baby. This isn't 50/50. It really isn't a mutual decision when we get down to brass tacks.

None if which I say in the sense that you shouldn't have a voice, be heard, and your feelings are just as valid. But there's the ideal and the reality. And the reality is that she's going to have decide.

So, what can you do? I think you need to split your opinion, to be both clear and supportive, and hope that the pregnancy hormones aren't so overwhelming that she things you don't love and support her. And that's a tough needle to thread.

I think the first thing you have to say, if you can say it truthfully, is that if she's going to have the baby you're going to be there to love it and support both the child and the mother through the whole thing. You're willing to step up. You're in this together no matter what the two of you decide.

But then you have to tell her, as nicely as you can, that as much as you want another child (I assume you do, based on the post) and you love your family, you think that you're both putting the entire family in jeopardy by having another kid right now. You need to recover financially, to find some rhythm after her college education, and to space out the child-care demands of two kinds under three all at once. That's going to be so, so much more demanding in terms of sleep, bills, emotional demand, and outright time. Whatever slivers of free time you both have now are going to be swallowed up during the newborn phase while you still have a child young enough to also need your constant attention. So, I think the best way of saying this is to highlight that another kid is a great idea, but another kid right now might really set you guys back from the progress you've been making. And that is especially important for her, with her having worked so hard to get into a career that would really bolster the family.

It is a true fact that most of women who get abortions already have a kid. "Family Planning" is not a euphemism. Sometimes the timing just makes it impossible. Or unforseen downfalls align with unexpected pregnancy and hard choices have to be made.

Ultimately, you have to decide whether you're in it to win it if she keeps the baby. If you are, you have to tell her that. But I think you also have the make the case that waiting a year might be the best solution for the entire family. Just be prepared for either outcome.