I just found out the only reason I was born was because my dad raped my mom in high school and my grandparents forced them to marry when they found out my mom was pregnant.

My dad also raped my mom which resulted in me being born. I was only told of this because she yelled it to my brother when they were arguing. It really messed me up. My mom has said she forgives him for what he did. My dad isn’t in my life anymore but growing up I loved and missed him when he wasn’t around. He’s always been very messed up from how he was raised and it continues to fuck him up even now, which is why I don’t associate with him anymore.

I know my mom forgives him and thinks that I shouldn’t hate him for it either but I know he messed her up. I hate him for what he did and how it affected my relationship with my mother growing up. I was just a kid that had to deal with my depressed mom who was forced into a terrible situation because she didn’t know any better.

I personally would tell your parents that what they told you made you uncomfortable. Just tell them your feelings and whatever thoughts about the situation runs through your head. I told my mom that it hurt me to know that I wasn’t born out of love, that she wouldn’t have spent years of her life with an abusive alcoholic if it wasn’t for me. I felt like I ruined her life and maybe she could’ve been happier and achieved her dreams if my dad didn’t do what he did. I just told her all the thoughts and fears. I also think it would help to tell your dad how disgusting his actions were. Yes your parents love each other now and they love you too doesn’t mean you should hide how this makes you feel to keep them from being upset.

I found a lot of catharsis in just telling my parents my thoughts even if it hurt them because in a way they hurt me? Idk it sounds weird. In my case it helped me to not have my dad in my life anymore. Since you still have to live with them, maybe you can ask that your dad stay somewhere else while you process this?

I also want to say that just because your parents ended up with a loving marriage doesn’t mean you should also stay with someone that abuses your trust like your dad did to your mom. I know times are different and your parents probably wouldn’t force you like your grandparents did to your mom. But I also know it’s easy to rationalize things because our parents dealt with that and ended up fine.

Idk I’m rambling and I’m sure none of it made sense. But I’m here to talk if you ever need it as someone who has been through a similar situation.

/r/relationship_advice Thread