Sorry to hear past experiences haunt you. In regards to your other question, I've had weeks where I get bits and pieces of sleep and after 3 weeks I start to crack. I don't think rationally and my moods become really negative and unstable. It's really hard to get a grasp on what normal is. I pretty much have to restrict myself to my blacked out room and lay there for a few days sleeping intermittently. As someone who's work doesn't follow light fall patterns it really comes down to embracing the fact that things aren't going to be normal, my sleep will sick and have no expectations. When the demand to function becomes too much to handle I have to try and limit human interaction and focus on just one or two basic goals. It's really a mental game art that point. Some days I'll get 3 hours of sleep and others I can piece together 7 or 8. If you can't have large periods of sleep, my best advice is accept it, try and stay in bed and minimal screens. Just lay there, accept that sleep isn't happening but rest your body. The head game is as important as the sleep. I don't fight it out in in a bad cycle. Usually mine is during the spring, Apr to June. If you need to unload, fortunately there are places here on reddit where strangers are willing to talk. Hang in there fam, our bodies cycle through shitty seasons and we will be reborn into new seasons. Hit me up if you need an ear.