Hey, figuring out your gender is HARD and I can definitely relate to a lot of the feelings you have. In my early 20s I was a mess and had no clue what I really wanted and was really afraid to give up any labels I had been using at the time. I think just taking it slow, experimenting with you're look, and not worrying about labels will help. Honestly I think they can often do as much to seperate and confuse us than to give us real insight to who we are as. What really helped me in the end, after a lot of experimenting and searching within myself, was asking "If everyone would treat me the same no what matter my gender or appearance was, what exactly would I want?" And I chose medical transition. It took me til my late 20s to figure it out but now I'm a very happy 30 year old transmasc nb person. Good luck op!!