I just interviewed 16 of the world's greatest interviewers. Ask me about sex.

this is he story to why my penis doesn't work in regards to the comment thread, this has nothing to do with my hair

I had just gotten my first job working at a Walmart as an ICS (I unloaded trucks). Every now and again I me and this girl walked past each other and nod. Eventually she switched shifts and we started talking regularly.

She looked me up on Facebook and we started going out on dates. Everything seemed normal at the time.

After a few months of dating she was getting bored and wanted to start exploring new things such as dildos. To be more specific she wanted to tie me down and fuck me with a strap on. She wanted me to start hitting her during sex and choke her.

She had been trying for a while to convince me to let me get her he strap on. The answer was no over and over again.

After a while that slowly passed and we started drinking in public places like that mall. I thought it was all in good fun but it turned out she had a drinking problem.

What started out as fun turned into her going bat shit crazy. She never did anything in public but once we were alone she would try to sneak out of the house and break into someone's house or he church next door.

Her drinking got so out of control that I had to call her parents to come pick her up at one point in time. Turns out she left her Facebook open on my computer. She had been cheating on me and sleeping with multiple people at the Walmart we worked at.

So we broke it off for a while and ended up getting back together. (I don't know why)

Same pattern followed with the exception of a few different things. One of which was instead of one of her friends for the threesome it could be my brother. She was disappointed when I told her no.

Then she started to try to mentally manipulate me and was constantly trying to put me down. My parents kept telling me to just cut her off but I was worried she was going to really hurt herself. She made multiple threats that she was going to kill herself and her parents had to get involved once again.

She also started getting way more drunk than she use to. She got picked up by he police on Main Street because she couldn't walk in a straight line and ended up with cuts and bruises all over herself.

After all that straightened out things seemed to be ok. We slowly started getting back into talking and she started coming over again.

One night she came over we started to drink with my brother. Not learning a single fucking thing I made a move and we started getting to getting.

The whole time I was kissing her and stuff she was trying to give my brother a hand job. My brother ended up just jumping over one seat and that was the end of that. But then I had the sudden urge to throw up and had to go to the bathroom. I ran a bath to help sober up a bit and ended up sleeping on the floor.

She then jumped on my brother and started making out with him and took him upstairs. They had sex and my parents heard them because she wasn't being quiet, like at all.

I never got mad at my brother. I was pissed with her because she knew what she was doing.

That ended us for a while and sure enough we started talking again. But it never got far because the one day I went over and we started drinking. I was play it cool and was asking where she hid all the alcohol bottles when she was done, how she got rid of them. The next day I went with a friend to tell her parents everything to try to stop all this.

She got mad, told me off and ended it. A few days go by and I was talking to the friend that helped me talk to her parents. As it turns out she tried killing her self in my bathroom. She had talked to my brothers girlfriend (not the one she slept with) about all the fun stuff that happened at Walmart behind my back. I asked his girlfriend to confirm and she did.

She had lost her job because she got drunk and fell off a ladder, and she told her who her friends with benefits were. I went and got tested and thank god I'm clean.

Some time passed and her parents then started messaging me through Facebook asking if I had heard the news.

She had been picked up by the police multiple times since we stopped taking. She had to be chased down ended up in a behavioral hospital for a week. She tried to make weapons while she was in there.

After she got out, she had gotten drunk yet again, and climbed out on her bathroom roof. She called the suicide hot line and threatened to jump. The guy on the line with her called he police. Once the police arrived they had to tackle her on the roof and drag her back inside.

They then brought her back to the behavioral hospital and began the physical examination. Once she got undressed and took her panties off a pocket knife fell out of her vagina.

I wouldn't have believed it myself if her parents weren't the ones telling me this.

Since then, my dad occasionally pokes fun at me saying I can get her a pocket knife with a string tied to it for Christmas.

For those wondering why my penis doesn't work anymore.

It "doesn't work anymore" was referring to me waiting for the test results back from the doctors. If you've seen some of the people that we worked with you just knew looking at them had something. I thought she had taken my life away and I was never going to be able to have kids or sex.

TL;DR I kept going back to someone that I shouldn't have.

/r/circlejerk Thread