I have not expressed to my husband how I feel about this, because every time I get close he shuts me down. I can't even tell him how my day at work was without him getting bored and ending the conversation.
To be honest, your husband doesn't seem like he wants to be with you either.
I'm afraid to ask him to end the relationship because I'm afraid of what people will think of me. Sometimes I feel like my reasons for wanting a divorce are not satisfactory enough.
You need to ask yourself if you're willing to live like this because of what others say. And ultimately, you don't really need permission from your husband (this one kind of depends on where you live). If you decide the marriage is over, you just file for divorce or separation.
I haven't tried therapy, but honestly I've lost interest in even trying to repair our relationship because I've tried so many times already without him even making an effort. If I don't initiate sex, it doesn't happen. If I don't start a conversation, we don't talk. If I don't ask to fix an issue, he pretends it doesn't exist. I hate how one-sided this feels.
You might want to make an appointment and then tell him he should go with you. If he doesn't go alone. It should help you work through your feelings and make a decision anyway.
Maybe I just require too much attention
Dude, don't be anyone's doormat. You deserve attention from your husband. Husbands should generally care about their wives.
I've been talking to a co-worker that I always thought was good looking, but he's married and has a child. But lately our talks have become flirtatious in nature, and when we approached the situation together, we both expressed mutual feelings that have actually been around since we first met each other 3 years ago.
Nope, nope, nope, nope. Bad idea to start an affair with a married dude.
He is in an 11 year relationship with his wife that has gone very south. She's cheated on him several times, picks fights with him about anything from the groceries to taking walks to helping his family when they're in need. He's afraid to break up with her because they've been together so long and he thinks it's too late. Our mutual friends all know about how his relationship is.
See, that's a whole May 1st parade's worth of red flags. Regardless if it's true, and do note it might be bullshit he's selling people not to look like a complete wanker when flirting with another woman who's also married, you do NOT want to get into a relationship with a married guy in a complicated situation. This is a thing married dudes who cheat tell their lovers routinely. Be careful.
You should probably also take into consideration that this crush is making you see this dude through rose tinted glasses. This happens very often to people who are growing weary in their existing relationships. Honestly, this dude seems like a right creep to me. He's baiting you, but then he's also covering his arse and telling you he's afraid to break up the marriage. He's not willing to commit to either of you. He wants to have his cake and eat it too.
But whenever I think about it, I just can't imagine announcing to my family, and to his family, and to all our friends, that I'm a failure. That I failed this marriage.
This is not all on you. You say you love your husband, you say you're trying. He should try some too. Ignoring you is entirely on him.
That I'm splitting up my daughter's parents because I'm being selfish.
It would do her far more damage to raise her to believe a cold unloving relationship is what a marriage looks like. THAT would influence her future relationships and would be far more damaging than showing her the simple truth that sometimes it just doesn't work out and grown people shouldn't make themselves and each other miserable for appearances.
Good luck, and really, get some good quality (non Christian, they tend to be heavily biased!) therapy. Preferably with your husband, alone if he refuses.