Crowfoxy, I’m glad you came here to vent. This is the place for it and we’re always here and listening and we care about you. So even if people in your life aren’t accepting or nice, know you always have a community you can come to here. I resonate with what you said about not being able to explain to people that you’re hurting. I definitely understand what’s it’s like to not be able to explain to people how I’m truly feeling or that I’m hurting especially when it ties to foster care because for me it feels like there isn’t a single person outside of having LIVED in foster care that could ever understand what it’s like. People can certainly be nice but it’s hard to really feel understood and because of that I never really tell anybody. But I sure do come on here and read, comment, and talk sometimes. It’s okay to spill your past and vent man. As for you, you say that you’re tired of being hurt and you just want to be loved and not betrayed. This will come. I think this comes for anybody that sets boundaries and always looks after themselves first. Like for me, once I learned about setting boundaries-mind you like 4 years ago in therapy, so I was already in my 20s- but man that felt so good to realize that I do not have to please everyone and be around people that weren’t kind. I know it’s hard sometimes at first to spot people that may not be good people but as soon as you catch this or start to get a weird vibe just set those boundaries. I’m assuming you’re out of care. You no longer need to please everyone around you. You’re your own person and you deserve love and respect and you shouldn’t hang around people that don’t see that too. It’s easier said then done but I never truly understood this until I understood what my personal boundaries were and how much better I felt when I made sure to stick to having them.

You had a shit life and you didn’t deserve it. You lost friends which you felt you deserved at the time but to me it sounds like you were struggling, trying to make sense of what happened to you, got involved in drugs and maybe said or did some wrong things. I have done this man and it’s so easy to blame yourself and of course to some extent you have to but you also have to understand that you’re trying to heal. And sometimes that means complete avoidance and drowning everything out with drugs and pushing people away, etc. that’s been YOUR personally journey to healing and it’s important to not be so down on yourself for times where you didn’t know how to be any different. You’re at a different place in your life now. It takes time to have more good days then bad days but I hope that you can feel like people understand you here. Even if it isn’t in your personal life. I hope you have a good day man!