I never go into personal details but I understand where you're coming from...One thing I noticed in my life (I'm closer to 30) is this time accounting doesn't really work in this "symetrical" way

your time spoken for because of your job and obligations, but your own brain starts turning on you. Adults don't have 10,000 hours to learn

it's rather the opposite, sometimes there is an opportunity that does not take up that much time but the impact on your life is ...asymmetrically bigger. For me those are often things that fail but lead to something which fails and leads to something and so on. So, not that I wouldn't feel I have waisted so much of my health and time and energy but I do feel alive. Not just, you know, silently waiting for the end.