I've been and still am in your boat. My wife and I haven't been intimate in several years. I understand your frustrations, I went through a period where I was really angry about it. Then...I really began thinking about the situation In her shoes. When a woman's image or self esteem has been harmed in any way...either through others actions or something she may have told herself. They handle it completely different then men.

Sit down with her, patiently..before all else. Patience, and tell her how you feel. Then say nothing. Put the ball into her court and let her know that you want to help understand why things have gotten to this point. She needs to be made feel sexy.... Not in the way men see sexy...you have to get back down to basics. Unpeel her layers, like you had when you fell in love with her for the first time.