I keep accidentally walking in on my bf jerking off

I’ve been in your EXACT position. My boyfriend throughout college confided in me that he had a porn addiction. As long as it didn’t coincide with our sex life I wasn’t concerned… a few months later he’s yelling at me in the car telling me “It’s your job to have sex with me everyday. Whenever I want it.” When I asked him where he got that idea from, he stated ‘Facebook’. This was in combination with copious amounts of masturbation when I wasn’t around. About a year later I found out what he was watching. Abnormal pornography is what they referred to it on wiki. Things I’ve never ever heard of. I tried to get him to slow things down a bit, to perhaps take a hiatus (honestly I was 19 and had no clue how to navigate this) after he told me he feared he couldn’t stop. He begun telling me how he wanted to fuck women he saw while we were in public, touching me in my sleep, trying to have sex with me while I slept, and would stealth me often. I struggled to sleep with him. A week before our four year anniversary; I’d JUST gotten my wisdom teeth out, and needed him to stay in the bathroom with me while I showered; as I was having fainting spells. He said “I’ll meet you up there.” I’m waiting… waiting… I stand at the top of the stairs and ask what he’s busy with (MIND YOU: he’s sitting in the living room about a meter away from my grandmother) He says nothing, and closes all the tabs on his phone. Come to find out… he was watching porn steps away from my grandmother. His unique kind of porn. He had a somewhat secretive way of masturbating where he would just push his palm down on himself. I asked him to come upstairs and he came out and told me he couldn’t stop no matter what he did. That he had been lying about doing work, and actually masturbating in the Starbucks parking lot near our house, my grandmothers car, her sewing room, in the tent he shared with my uncle when we went camping, in our shed (and would finish on the floor), in the backyard, etc. He refused to get help for the issue, and was scared about talking to people about it because of the specific porn he watched. So, for just about 4 years I stood by him and tried to deal with it, get to the bottom of it, understand it, sympathize with him, recommended free counselling at our college, etc... But he wouldn’t even talk to friends about it, nor a professional. We were around your age when this event happened. I left him a week later. I understand what you’re going through, it took me four years and lots of stressful conversations about how it made me feel, and trying to figure out ways to help. He also wasn’t very hygienic and would leave skid marks on our bed, towels, blankets, and you could smell him when he’d sit down. This continued from the day I met him till the day we broke things off. (Please don’t call me dumb or naïve, I just really believed love was meant to be hard. NO pun intended). If it’s not something he is able to change, or wants to at-least attempt to change, I genuinely want you to think about how tired you may be after years of this. I understand it’s much easier said than done. I understand many friends won’t understand and will think “Oh my gosh it’s just porn get over yourself!” But if it bothers you, it bothers you, and that’s okay. I won’t tell you to leave him, it’s not my place, and every situation is unique. But I hope you can see that sometimes this problem can manifest itself and there’s not much you can do to reel back the person that you love. No matter what decision you make. I support you. You deserve better hun! Xoxo!

/r/TrueOffMyChest Thread