I do think it's a huge personal betrayal to lie to me about drug use. I don't consider it a white lie, so maybe that's the difference. To me, a "white lie" is "yeah, dinner was great!" or "you're such a great singer!".

Knowing that somebody who I trusted and devoted 2 years of my time to looked me in the face and lied to me is a betrayal and it sucks. The thing that sucks is that he looked at me and lied to me over, and over, and over again over pretty much the entire 2 years. When we broke up I thought that we had a decent relationship that just didn't work out, but hearing so many of these lies pile up is a slap in the face that I wasted 2 years of my life just getting lied to.

I honestly don't know why I spend energy being hung up on this. I don't think about him or dwell on the relationship on a day to day basis but it seems like even when I'm not looking for info on him I hear it anyway. It sucks to feel like I'm doing well for myself and focusing on improving myself and then hearing something new when I'm not even looking for it makes me sick. I guess I'm just not sure how to stop feeling so anxious about it but I have other anxiety issues so maybe it's related.

You're right, he is kind of paying for the consequences of his actions. We go to the same college and have a lot of mutual friends so that doesn't help. I'm planning a move across the state so maybe that'll be the last step I need to get completely over it.