Its not just killing my child. It's if I were to drive into a semi with him in there. It isnt what i want to think about, the thoughts just pop up, but im also strong enough to not go forth with those types of actions.

There's a difference between thoughts and urges. I have no urge whatsoever to do that sort of thing, but the thoughts are sometimes there. Mainly just killing myself is a daily thing and that's a symptom of my BPD. When I'm having a fucking awful day then it involves my child but still, that isn't an urge.

You're worrying way too much (which is understandable given this thread and a lot of parents which aren't getting help) but believe me, that would never be something I would ever do to my child.