Yo mapps,

I know you heard this alot but trust me, i`ve been through everything you are experiencing now, and i mean everything. I lost people i loved and people i loved broke up with me. Looking back to that moment, i kinda deserved it cause i took everything for granted.

It happened years ago and i know it hurts like hell. Its almost unbearable but everything eventually goes away. I`ve had horrible panic attacks, ive had them when nobody was around and ive had them when all my friends were around. Nothing helps and nobody can understand what youre going through in a moment like that.

I thought nothing is worth living but , heh, lucky me, i was too scared to try anything. I eventually found the source of those panic attacks and they went away. It took a year but i got better.

I used to have long hair and stuff, it all went away. Was joking to friends saying that if i lose my hair ill be like the bible Samson and lose everything with it. Nothing matters more than your life. You dont get to quit now.

The biggest panic attacks i had were in the most peaceful place that i can think of. for me. I was in a resort near the Black Sea called "Vama Veche" (Old Customs). Surrounded by all my friends , during the biggest folk festival in Romania. I had everything and nothing mattered, i felt trapped, cornered, with no way out, nothing to do, nothing to look for. I called the girl that was haunting my mind and life back then and she came.

She traveled 200 km just to be with me and try to help me. Do you have any idea how much can it hurt to have her say, during the live interpretation of "our song" , in the middle of a huge beach, at sunset, with wind blowing gently through our hair that... well... "please understand that we can only be friends from now on". Yeah man, its been 4 years and i still cant listen to that song . I translates "White bishop" but Romanians call the chess bishop "Crazy" so its basically White Crazy.

Im still not well enough , im still not fully healed but ive been a long way to recovery during those years. I found a couple of new hobbies that take a big chunk of my time and they help alot. Im hoping to become a Cardistry expert in the years to come.

Take it slow my friend, since you dont value your life anymore, whats 2 - 3 days for you ? There are alot of people here that want to help out, that want to understand or just want to feel like somebody else knows what they are going through. If you want your moments to mean something giving items is not the way, give a couple of days to some people that are as lost as you are, and let people that know how to help , help you.

Take care bro.