Why? Anything come up?
Alright so story starts with me coming here from the war torn Balkans at the tender age of two. Having paranoid and strict parents, I was unable to do much in terms of socializing. Til 8 I didn't know what a friend was. Started elementary school alone, and since I was the only white kid in the school(and the only kid who tried) I was picked on. Til around 14, I was that socially awkward kid who had no one to turn to for help; parents were the 'tough it out' type. In all honesty, they didn't care about me, so I fell to locking myself in my room 24/7. Entering high school, again I was alone. Seemed everyone had a clique of friends they fit in with. I live in NYC, so the school has around 4k students. It's very noticeable when a kid sits at an empty table.during lunch doing literally nothing. The few people who did aproach me ended up using me, in one case getting me suspended for 3 months for weapons possession.
Flash forward to senior year, and I've got maybe 3 people I talk to. One considers games more important. One third wheels me. The last is a histrionic who begs for pity from everyone. So I can't say I'm close to these people. But they make these.agonizing slow days go by a few seconds faster.
Senior year I also met probably the girl of my dreams. Had a hard life, basically my female counter part. Parents find out she's Asian, they flip.their shit. Go through all my messages with her, humiliating me to no end. This is all out loud. Then they switch my.college just so I can't be with her.
Won't go into it, but few months after the finding out she's Asian thing, she stops talking to me. I confront her only to get haphazard.responses, telling me I over exaggerate my lonliness, and that she wants me to.leave her alone, after a year of hope, that things would finally go my way, get knocked down again.
Fell into indifference. Worse than depression. You don't care about anything, family, friends, yourself. Nothing matters. I had no one to talk to, and I since I was sheltered, I had minimal socializing skills. Saying hi was a struggle. Found out around this time I have anxiety and a mild form of bilpolar disorder. That's always fun to hear.
Family started thinking I was on drugs. Monthly blood tests only to find nothing EVERYTIME didn't satisfy them. Finally sick of my dad's interrogating and constant stream of insults, so I hit him, only to get smacked on the head with the hose of a vacuum. Two inch gash and a lot of blood later, he still acts no different than before. Mother acts as if they're both doing what's best for me...
TL; DR I'm incredibly alone. Lost the one person who meant something to me. Shitty family siuation. Terrible upcome = zero life/socialization skills. Currently going through depression and indifference.
What I do to cope is mainly work out and play guitar. Someone told me if you can't focus on others, focus on yourself. Haven't attempted suicide yet, so I guess it works.
If the room mate thing doesn't work out, you can always post ads online or look for ads yourself. I've heard of people getting married that way. Also, I didn't see any mention of a girl in your story. Ever tried to date?
Sorry for late response, on phone.