Do you have BPD serious question?

Your in a relationship with a guy why not ask him for advice even if its about him?

Might make your relationship stronger or truth is - it isn’t a healthy relationship because you’re not able have ANY of these conversations talks discussions with him

Also and again not at all meant be harsh but why not get a therapist who’s a guy you can discuss all these things with AND they’ll be in your life until you feel comfortable ask the bf for help + won’t be romantic.

“Oh but I tried therapy AND the therapist DID wanna date me”

Well then hopefully you let the license board know sooo other women never have those issues

Still think your very creative and truly look fwd reading your novel someday hopefully all this searching is taking you away from writing it?