I knew from a young age that I was a huge burden to my parents. (long)

Wow I kinda relate except it was both parents except one of them was a high school drop out who hated school and stay at home mom, I was socially awkward till I was ten for few years had friends, some drifted from me in high school everything was drama I hated drama. So me and friends I lacked. Hated making people sad and angry. So no friends through high school.

My father used to get angry with me for exaple when I was 7 I had trouble with long multiplication who spent hrs on trying to teach me I just didn't get it. He used to smack me because he thought I wasnt listening and being lazy. This was after school spending 4 hrs on home work as 7 I would be tired and yes. I remember being pushed off chairs by him during homework time. Wasn't like it all the time but homework time always scare me.

In high school I never asked my parents for help due to fear being called lazy and uncaring towards my future.

My mother used to yell at me would say I am useless and lazy, unappreciative towards everything. I remember my father whispering under his breath at times "I wish you were never born."

I was in denial I had depression as a teen well I felt lack of understanding what meant to be happy when I was 5. Common questions as a kid was "what is my purpose?" to "I wish I wasn't born."

When I left home after I graduate high school barely I went to doctors finally got dignose with depression & anxiety.

Mid twenties finally gonna try to go to University I feel disencouraged due to my poor grammar, I am constantly worried I would fuck up I would never do well. When I was 20 said I would never go to University due to worrying of fucking up. What changed is that I can't stayed scared of my weakness for ever and I can't keep doing the repeative job. Try get a degree and get better.

Op your not worthless not your fault they expected you to be the "perfect spawn" one stupid thing I hated my parents for was expecting me to be "smart naturally". No such thing of perfection! I felt like no matter what I did to make them happy never will.

Took me two years ago to realise no point in trying to please everyone even my parents cause one thing most kids do to their parents is always go on different path what the parents expected their kid to do. You can't please them, one thing you could try is please your self.

Do what makes you happy, no such thing of normal or perfect. Break off from toxic relationships even if it could be your mother, even for a bit might wake her up.

/r/childfree Thread