I know I am late, but I liked this post.

I was that kid in school. I didn't speak my first word in school until my junior year of high school. Even then I was still very brief and only talked to people I knew. I'd hang out at friend's houses and not say much of anything.

Folks that did mess with me (Never malicious. Just try and throw jokes out there to get me to laugh or speak) and try and get me to talk and I never reacted. Never phased me. I was just turned off. Nothing they could ever say would pierce me. One girl even started holding my arm and saying she was my GF. Our AP psychology video project, foot in the door phenomena, was about me and her. Everyone got a crack out of it. It wasn't malicious, I knew that, and I did find it funny, and it was fun to make, just was unable to 'crack' (It did happen after I started to talk and open up a little more. Senior year). She was a 'crazy girl' and I was being 'cracked' with the foot in the door phenomenon. Even had a fake wedding in chemistry on the last day. For someone who never spoke, I seemed to be unusually popular. Guess I was lucky to have gone to a school where I wasn't fucked with for bein quiet in a malicious way much if any.

A few weeks back a dude from high school messaged me. Through talking he said he admired how I was always so chill, 'zen', and just aloof. Never got angry or even seemed to be angry and just containing myself at anything. I couldn't get angry. I couldn't get sad. I couldn't be happy. I couldn't be/get anything. I was a shell with nothing on the inside. I was numb, empty. I eventually did start to open up, but that's when I found out therapist think I may be BPD so in end it ended up worse.

So I feel him. I was lucky and wasn't maliciously attacked much, but I can relate to his quietness and 'stoicness' to people.