Ladies: You meet a guy via Tinder/online dating and text back and forth a bit before meeting. You have what seems like a great 1st date. But then the guy goes out of town for two weeks. How do you expect to communicate after the 1st date. Texting? Phone calls? Not until he's planning the next date?

More information:

I'm asking this question because I'm the guy in this situation and I had this date about 10 days ago so I'm still out of town. She's 32, if it matters.

I had really great banter with this girl for 2 straight weeks texting back and forth with at least a message every day, first on Tinder then by phone text, until we could finally find time to meet. We then had what I thought was a great first date. She asked me near the end "are you going to kiss me?

I texted her afterwards telling her it was a great date and she texted back agreed she had a great time.

Then, the next day, I went on a road trip, to be gone for two weeks. I texted her from the road that night, sharing a joke and just saying a few things. A couple days later she texted basically saying "sorry I didn't reply sooner -- I was having phone troubles. Will reply to you later."

She didn't text later as she said she would, but 2 days later I texted her and told her I was having a good trip, etc.., and how is she doing?

That was about 6 days ago. No reply from her since then.

Now I'm planning to go back to town this week. It will have been about a 2 week period since I've been gone.

I'm trying to decide why she hasn't replied. The possibilities I've come up with:

  • I'm out of town and texting is unnecessary at this point if it's not about when we will hang out next. So it's possible that she just thought the texting was unnecessary and wanted to wait until I was actually going to be back in town. After all, it was a good date but still just a first date, so no reason to text back and forth too much now that we've met.

  • She thinks I should have called and feels like texting is lame and I should have been braver and called her. I felt like calling her would feel like I'm putting too much pressure on her and maybe too much pressure on me to have a conversation that did not involve planning the next date since I would be gone for 2 weeks.

  • She had some kind of change of heart, either she decided the kiss wasn't as great as she originally thought, or she thought I should have just cooled it on the texts and played it cool until I got back, or what. My feeling, however, was that I should contact her a couple of times to reinforce that I was genuine about wanting to keep hanging out with her.

  • Another possibility (which I think would be lame) is that we had some momentum before the date and then went on the first date, but when I go out of town she just sort of just loses interest.

  • A final possibility, related to the one above, is that she does want to hang out again but she just wants to play it cool now and not get into feeling too serious about someone she doesn't know much about yet. So she doesn't want to do a bunch of texting with a guy who is still largely an unknown -- even though she does want to hang out again.

Basically, the fact that she hasn't replied to my text from 6 days ago seems a little frustrating and puzzling, although maybe I shouldn't think this is such a big deal. I thought FOR SURE we were/are going to have a 2nd date based on how the first one went. But maybe it's not a big deal that she hasn't replied?

The question now is: do I text her before I come back to ask her to hang out after I get back? Or do I call her? Does it matter how I communicate the next time at this point?

/r/AskReddit Thread