Ladies, what are your experiences with body dysmorphia/body dysmorphic disorder (BDD), especially if you’re considered traditionally ‘thin’ or ‘skinny’ by society?

I’ve been struggling with it for as long as I can remember. It was much worse when I had anorexia. Even without an eating disorder, people tell me I’m thin. So far this year I have unintentionally lost 6kg and when it started I could see clearly how thin and boney some parts of my body looked. Now they look bigger. I know that’s not reality, I receive negative comments about how my body looks. But it’s like — how do I know I’m wrong? How do I know that we are seeing different things? How are we both looking at my body but coming to such different conclusions? I hate it. It stresses me out so much and makes me so sad. Clothes shopping makes me really sad, but I love new clothes. So many things don’t come in the right size and it’s emotionally draining and not fair that there are stores that stock 3XL but not XXS. I want tops and dresses that don’t constantly fall down my chest, and high-waisted skirts that really are high-waisted :(

Aside from my body size, some other major issues I have are around ageing, and my face. I am complimented on my appearance a lot and always have been, but I disagree. My lower jaw is a few millimetres more forward than my upper and I hate it. I am so preoccupied by it during social interactions. I check it so often at home to make sure it hasn’t changed. There is one particular area of asymmetry on my nose, it’s very tiny, but I am so aware of it whenever I see my nose and I always worry if someone is going to see my face from a certain angle. I’m 24 and skin ageing has become a huge concern. I had a couple of bad forehead creases and now get Botox, and that has solved the obsession I had. But then there are so many tiny imperfections on my 24-year-old skin that I am focused on and now checking and comparing.

The thing is, no one notices those things unless I say it. These things that are massive to me, stand out as soon as I’m in front of a mirror, occupy my mind when I’m trying to function in daily life, seem so incredibly obvious that no one could miss them — no one notices. And because people compliment my appearance and because being thin is valued, I’m usually not taken seriously when I try to talk about these things. I’m usually shut down and dismissed, or met with something like “what the fuck do you have to be insecure about”, or they get mad. Sometimes this doesn’t happen, but more often it does. There aren’t many people I can actually be open with which sucks because isn’t that important in friendship? Idk maybe they see it as vanity?

And then omg, even a psychiatrist! I had spoken to them dozens of times about my body image and told them that in the past multiple psychologists had said I have BDD. Yet after all of that they apparently hadn’t taken any of what I said seriously, because one day after those other dozens of discussions, they were like, “wait, so do you really not think you’re attractive?” Yeah... “Do you actually think you’re unattractive?” Yes! Why the fuck else would I talk about the things I’ve brought up? I’ve had similar experiences with a couple of psychologists (“you really don’t think you’re beautiful? Oh wow. I didn’t think you were serious”). So then it’s not even friends being insensitive and dismissive, but actual mental health professionals. I could sit there and tell them about the hours I was spending daily obsessing and the behaviours and the distress and the times when I’d think that maybe I should just kill myself because I couldn’t deal with it, and apparently they weren’t taking me and my distress seriously.

I haven’t found a way to make much progress with this. There are periods of time where it’s not as bad, and then it becomes consuming and I can barely get anything done and start avoiding situations. I try to minimise those times but it’s hard.

/r/AskWomen Thread