Transition is just doing things that make gender suck less and work better for you.

Would bring on hormones improve gender for you? And you can accept and deal with the consequences? Then why not.

From my perspective the point about self acceptance is it's a personal thing, what is acceptable to one person is not to another. Other people's transitions are not yours, their choices and self acceptance aren't yours.

(but it's not anyone's fault.)

TL;DR AT THE END OF POST

I've naturally felt gender roles were something imposed to me since I was very little, before hearing or reading anything too complex or dialectic about the topic. I've been dealing with it with varying degrees of passive-aggressive resignation through all my life. I'm 24 now.

Right after fixing (I hope) very long and troublesome semi-related issues, I faced my gender nonconformity and in the last crazy 3 months went through all the questioning stages (including the circular ones), related to all the damn memes (?), connected the dots from my past, came out to closest friends and family and made medical appointments. To be fair it was relatively fast because I just had to accept what I already knew since puberty.

I was and still am absolutely sure of several key points:

• That I had always wished for a feminine appearance and presentation.
• That feminine appearance was not attached in any case to a certain set of behaviors or personality traits. "If I could choose, I'd rather be a butch lesbian" (I'm bi tho), I used to say since I was 13. Sounds a bit silly in retrospect.
• That social transition was something much more related to what other people made out from me than what I felt about myself. That I wished I didn't feel pressure to be socialized in a binary way the same way I wished not being identified or gendered in a binary way.

I concluded that, since looking more feminine rather permanently is what feels right to me, then HRT was a good solution. In the meantime I've been reading, gathering experiences from other people, reading arguments, articles, debates, everything I can find, including video mentioned in the title.

Short story, maybe worst decision ever.

Case in point: I want to pass, at least sometimes, but apparently passing is lies and stereotypes and bullshit and I'm already valid and whatever. Sorry for passive-aggressiveness, I'm just feeling frustrated.

My dysphoria is focused on secondary sexual characteristics, particularly my face and body hair. I know I would look like a man in make-up without the help of HRT, and that would be valid.

That is the problem: If it is valid why not settle for that? Why do I want to take hormones? Why am I not ok with just dress like I want, behave like I want, mix all and everything and be happy with having a beard and wearing a skirt since in theory gender and gender roles are a social construct, I feel them that way and I'm not trying to fit in a binary spectrum or adapt to the cis norm?

This isn't how gender as a social construct works, see also Judith Butler Explained With Cats

My own answer is generally why not? Why let heteronormativity be the governing force if it's not working for you.

Look my own gender theory is that it's a mix of biological, developmental, and psychological factors that make transition make sense for someone.

Validation for everything is, ironically, making me feel invalidated.

Every time I see a cis man behaving in a feminine way, or at least expressing alternative masculinity roles, it fucks me up because it makes me feel I should be able to do that even if it's not what feels right for me. Almost makes me doubt if I'm not escaping from masculinity in an exaggerated, over the top way "only because" I was bad at it.

Every time I meet a trans person who's not on hormones and says "I didn't want to feel my gender as a medical condition or institutionalize my identity" it fucks me up because I believe I should feel that as well, when actually I don't have the slightest problem in going to a doctor and say "Listen, I'm feeling weird and uncomfortable with my current self, why don't we talk about it and you help me get this sorted out".

Why concern yourself with someone else's transitional path. Do you want the effects of hormones and/or other medical interventions? Then go get those things. It doesn't have to mean you frame it as a medical thing.

Like I've met people who self med hormones for their philosophical reason, they want hormones but don't approve that society says they need approval from a doctor to get it, so they just don't.

This is also the basis behind the informed consent hormone model, that patients just need to accept the risks and changes. So there are lots of medical people who also back this view.

Look, I'm not saying anyone is a trender or making it up. I genuinely believe these people are valid. That's why it bothers me. I don't feel I have a medical condition or that I'm ill, or that I won't be valid until some cis wearing a white coat "confirms" it. So why do I want to take this specific approach. Am I missing something? Am I doing something wrong? Is my mindset wrong?

TL;DR:

• Is it valid to take hormones when some people don't and don't have a problem with it?

Yes, why wouldn't it be valid? Why shouldn't you have agency here?

• Is it valid to seek a specific presentation even when you don't believe in presentations as absolutes?

Yes why wouldn't it be valid?

If you don't believe in linking presentation to gender then why not change stuff? If the choices are equal pick the one that doesn't hurt?

The reason I have a downer on the notion of passing is that it's a rigged idea, it's a framework where you either "pass" 100% of the time or if you "fail" once everything comes crashing down because you no longer "pass".

From my perspective a lot of the work in early transition is buildup of your internal acceptance of yourself and that you are trans and your gender is what it is. Including times when other people read your gender and don't parse the cues properly and miscategorise you based on their model of gender.

But like why wouldn't it be valid to work towards a presentation and expression of your gender that gets you read a certain way more often than not? No one's telling cis women they can't be conventionally femme, no one's telling cis men they can't be conventionally masculine (although there is criticism of bring toxicly so).

If not blending into the population of women is causing dysphoria why not do your best to make yourself happier with your body and also provide people with the cues to help them read your gender.

The reason people are down on "passing" is that it's linked to a culture of transition where that's the only option and that sets up a hierarchy where your gender is more valid the more you "pass".

• Do you think it's preferable to explore your identity or expression avoiding the medical approach at all costs (last resort)?

I think it's a personal issue, about acceptance of the risks and outcomes of the medical approach.

Besides it sounds like you've done a bunch of exploring and now you're looking at hormones. Why discount your previous experiences?

I also suggest you ask yourself the same questions with the aid of the null hypothecis, is it valid to not take hormones and cause yourself pain? Is it valid to force yourself into pretending to be a guy? Etc.