I mean, you were not wrong for not knowing that but its a fairly common thing for people to sometimes not have the emotional bandwidth to be there for others, including their spouse, and it's important they be able to express that and have it respected.

As for your desire: "I just wanted him to hold me for a few minutes and tell me everything will be okay." This is a reasonable request from a husband even if he's going through a rough spot. I will say, though, for my brain, you would need to instead request "I just wanted him to hold me for a few minutes and tell me everything will be okay even if it might not be," because I don't want to lie to you without permission when I can't guarantee the future of the world.

What I believe I'm seeing, however, is that you didn't request that specifically in such clear terms.

I am seeing a lot of other issues in your communications but those will have to be worked through by you guys through a lifetime. I hope my observations have helped with the issues you came to ask about, though.