Last week my (26F) sister (28F) told me to kill myself. I’ve completely cut her off and now I’m feeling bad.

I'm a older sister and 10/9 years older than my younger sister. She little bit reminds me of you, and your sister reminds me of myself. We have a different situation. I honestly don't know why do I feel strong hatred inside myself since the day where she was born. I've never hit her or said mean stuffs to her. But I was definitely harsh with her during her vulnerable moments. I just tell her that it's not a big deal and inform her about how weak she is. That she got to be stronger. Somehow, I kind of feel responsible to take care of her. I do cook for her, buy video games for her, give her my phone, let her sleep with me when she's having nightmares, protecting her in public places etc. I would literally die for her to save her life if dangerous situations happened but I don't understand why do I keep on doing these when I have buried hatred inside myself. I do have violent thoughts to traumatize her whenever she becomes stubborn but I suddenly feel bad and never act on my thoughts.

She's very emotional person and expects me lots of emotional supports from me. She tend to be clingy and try to do her best to have my attention (I often ignore her when she do that). Recently, I've learnt to adapt to her needs. My resentment grown up, but i masked it. I got chiller over time and she doesn't know I still resent her as much as I did in the past. Apparently, that's how your sister feels. She's probably aware of your psychological issues and afraid of adapting to your needs. She can't help but feeling a sense of resentment and she's not logical enough to mask it. She's confused with her mental processes and can't understand why do she care. I'm sorry, but older sisters will always hate younger sisters. It's just that some older sisters are smart enough to mask their hatred or resentment. They do it because they feel like it's an obligation to take care of younger siblings. Or others may buried their hatred or resentment and sealed them away. Forget them permanently. One day, I hope to bury my resentment deeply, seal it away and forget it forever. I really want to care for my sister and I don't want to hurt her. I do fantasize about being a good sister to her. I know it's weird.

As I said some older sisters aren't logical enough to mask their hatred, I suggest you to cut off your older sister. She's not willing to change. She's still immature as before. It's better to not to feel bad about it.

/r/relationships Thread