I want to learn how to take criticism

(For a more specific answer, can you give some examples of criticism that hurts your feelings?)

I think it’s important to realize that criticism just is an opinion on your actions. Opinions that people form are always 100% due to their life experiences and don’t always reflect on you or work for you. For example, my family likes to criticize my life choices. It’s not fun, but I realize that my life choices would make THEM unhappy, and all they’re trying to do is save me from that. But those life choices make me very happy and their criticism isn’t relevant to my life. That’s the first thing I would do, is realize that not all criticism actually applies to you. Sometimes people also criticize because they’re hurting and it’s a cheap way to make themselves feel better.

Another thing I would consider is that we’re all very deeply individual people. I know ISFJs are observant and in tune with other people, you guys are also sensitive and try to give other people what they need, but (this is very important) there is no way for you to know what someone needs unless they tell you. You can try to read them, you can guess, and sometimes you guess right, but ultimately you do not know. It’s impossible for you to know. What people need is always changing and fluctuates.

It’s also incredibly stressful to keep trying to guess. The easiest way to give them what they need... is to ask. And to realize that maybe all they’re trying to do is tell you what they need when you are feeling criticized.

For example, my coworker was talking to me about a personal issue I was having. She was amazing, really supportive and great. She was asking questions and letting me talk about it. It helped a lot. And then I hit a point where I was kind of tired of talking about it and let her know. She immediately apologized and I reassured her that it was okay, that I was only communicating and that I didn’t expect her to know when I wanted to talk and when I didn’t.

When situations come up where you feel criticized, ask yourself if they’re trying to help you in some way by giving what they think is advice, and also try to ask yourself if people are just trying to communicate their needs with you. I think those two questions will help you a lot with dealing with perceived criticism. (And if they really are just criticizing to be mean, please know that some people lash out when they’re hurt or angry. This is a reflection of what’s going on in their brain, not a reflection of you)

/r/isfj Thread