I really wish and hope I can get here one day, I feel so sad and like a failure because I haven't been able to develop these kinds of healthy relationships. I haven't felt this level of trust, I can't deal with the fear getting of getting hurt, or vulnerability. I always thought that if the person was really safe, I wouldn't feel scared or vulnerable in the first place but it doesn't seem that way, I think I have a lot of dysfunctionalities too as a result of trying to adapt to unhealthy, harmful family members.

Like I ghosted my friend right before her birthday because I felt like I needed to protect myself from the emotions she was causing in me and ended up ruining her birthday. Ruining happy days is what my family would do. I'm so scared I will turn out like them.