I recently moved to Williamsburg to live with my partner, but I'm still working in RVA until I find a job out of this region. I feel no attachment to either place, not being from here and without lifelong or close friends in either place (thanks grad school!), and I'm not strongly a city person or small town person. But: I feel that I'm enjoying the best aspects of both environments when I want to, including the smart, welcoming community and cultural events at W&M that you have overlooked or disparaged.

I'm not going to advise either way, but some fruitful questions:

1) What do you actually do most weeknights? Are you in your own place, on the phone with your partner for a long time? Is it only your gym and restaurant habits that you'll miss on your average day or do you hang out with friends constantly? What errands--banking, groceries? Last time I checked Williamsburg had those, and even a post office! If all true, would living over there be any different? (Save for the children--and, if you are not yet that involved in raising them, then obviously moving in has huge implications). RVA is still just an hour away, though yes, the commute is a slight change.

2) So if you stay in RVA, you should realize that two hours round trip to see your partner is nothingggg in terms of a long-distance relationship. Maybe it's my field, but people our age are getting increasingly used to states/long flights away from their partners due to work opportunities. I can't empathize with your frustration in having to travel an hour, unless finances are a major issue. If you do move, you can always move back, unless there's a weird ultimatum involved. In which case, yikes.