I left my white fiancé, cancelled the wedding and moved out of the home we bought together.

Basically everything described here. I love my partner. But I live and breathe equity and social justice. I go to school for it and it is also my life passion because I am black and so it’s not just about studying it, but it’s about what I live as a black woman and changing it for other POC. I think sometimes he just doesn’t get that. I try to explain “every single day of my life is met with prejudice, microagressions, or outright racism in one way or another. I don’t just bring it up as something I’m advocating for to help others, I bring it up because I experience it”. We’ve had many conversations where it always feels like he grows and understands.

His parents are Trump supporters and so ignorant to so many things. One time, his mom drunkenly mentioned BLM at the dinner table and asked my opinion on it. As the only Black person in their house. I just decided to say “what if I’m not political” (even though I don’t view BLM as political, I view it as basic human rights). I feel so happy and accomplished that my partner was basically able to take over and he repeated to his parents many things that I have said to him throughout the course of our relationship. And he ended it with “no matter what me or CheeseRelief said tonight, that doesn’t make her the voice for Black people. Do your own research”. I loved that.

But some days it just feels like he does not listen. Or he downplays the issue I bring up. I had to be drunkenly crying for him to understand just how important representation to me. To see myself as a character other than a racially ambiguous girl or dark skinned man dying in a thriller movie. I try to explain. Imagine every single day of your life being like this. And I feel like it’s just not understood.

He does not stand for hate, but he also doesn’t do the further work, research, or listening that goes into being an ally. He cannot recognize microaggressions. He just doesn’t actually “get it” and sometimes I feel like he never will because he never has to.

/r/blackladies Thread Parent