i mean if you're willing to commit suicide, you might as well try everything else first

suicide might be a way out but its an incredible amount of emotion and physical pain for everyone involved, no matter how you do it

you said you're struggling with the knife in your hand but you're not really committed to going down that path if you can't do it and you're posting here about it

so trust me take that pain and anger and use it to fuck things up instead of yourself, you have nothing to lose

go do something crazy, move to another city alone or go out in the wilderness and survive, join the army, join a cult, go to church, go to rehab, whatever

i understand that this is easier said than done, like, "just do something new" is a harder goal than anything when you're depressed but next time you're holding that knife to your wrist, think about how every morsel of meat in your skull is saying this is wrong and how that one voice in your head is the only saying its the only way out

that voice is fear and that voice is not going to get you anywhere in life, and its certainly not going to let you kill yourself

its just trying to make you give in to these feelings of dread, of depression, of anxiety because its all youve known for so long but like - there's still other things out there, there's still paths to take, doors to opens, and a future for you

and it's easier to move forward and feel happy than it is to kill yourself, even if you're at rock fucking bottom suffering in utter anguish and desperation, you're not going to be able to just end it either way

think about how you got here, and what you did about it over the years

now imagine if you had the option to change everything right now and find happiness but some asshole with a knife said "nah thats too scary" and stabbed you

you wouldn't be ok with dying, and youd probably want to kill the person if you could but too bad, you let them stab you

make the first move and cut fear and negativity out of your life before they ruin you and you no longer have any motivation to change things like you do now