Lately I've realized at how much more effort I could've put into all of high school, and how lazy I am. Overall, I feel inadequate because of myself and not others.

I have always been able to get by with mostly A's and a few B+ s or so without too much effort, and always relied on "being smart" and that really killed me. There's been so many instances where I could've gotten straight A's in a semester and I didn't, I always told myself I was unlucky, or that I tried my best, but really I was sugar coating it. I know that I could've put in so much more effort into everything. I realize all of this but I never do anything about it, and I feel worse about myself everytime. Knowing that I could've done so much better, and that I am the only one holding myself back, and I keep digging myself deeper, it feels really shitty.

Now I am sitting here with 1 UC Essay draft that I thought I liked, but now I'll probably rewrite it. I am not even sure what Common App schools I even want to apply to. I am so fucking behind on everything, and I just feel like a piece of shit.