Oh my ex and I were long distance and I didn't wanna get into it all because I didn't want to deal with distance and I just knew it would crash and burn. I remember crying some nights just repeating over and over to myself "This does not have a happy ending." but I still kept it going because I loved her and I'm a total sappy idiot.
Anyway, the first few months we were talking she was a tough spot, struggling with depression and PTSD and body image stuff, and it was pretty draining for me (that feels selfish to say, but it was.) I stuck it out because I cared for her and all.
Things got better and stuff was good, but then I found myself in a similar position that she was in when we first started talking. She was just getting into starting a new job, and moving to a nicer place and all this stuff, and I didn't want to be a drain on her the way she was on me during such a delicate part of her life. So I suggested we should break up, and she agreed.
We still talked for about a week or so after, she at some point suggested in just be a break because we still loved each other blah blah blah. But that week turned really sour for me. You know how they say there's a fine line between love and hate? I always thought that was ridiculous but it is so not. In the span of one phone call I went from being so torn up and hopelessly in love with this girl to hating her fucking guts, and I told her so. She stopped talking to me after that.
It's weird, I know I still love her and care about her a whole lot, even with the sting of knowing that the feeling isn't mutual, but a part of me had this black hatred for her for so long. Which is weird, because I don't hate anybody. Like ever. I've come to this really nice balance, though. I don't want to be with her anymore, I don't want to see her sad or upset anymore, either. I just want her happy, I reckon. Love is weird and heartbreak sucks, but still 10/10 would do again. Oh it also helped that I came to the conclusion that my heart or brain or whatever has room enough to still love and care about someone, but also fall in love with someone else. It's really freeing, actually.