God, this is so fucking true. Sorry for the long post but I just had to take this off me. It hits home so hard.
I've been here. I was the pet to a group of female friends. At some point they decided it was funny to change my pronouns to "she". I'm a Spanish speaker, and Spanish is a super gendered language, so this was huge. I didn't even mind it coming from them, but the thing is they were calling me that to their parents and friends and all sorts of people I didn't know. Before I knew people, they knew me as this weird friend they had that liked to be treated with female pronouns for some reason.
Straight guys were confused by this. Parents saw me as an oddity at best and a threat at worst. Straight girls were fascinated by it like I was some unicorn fairy or something. And this was all because of the identity THEY imposed on me.
This is peak straight privilege to me. You like talking about your weird gay friend in female pronouns to show the world how woke you are hanging out with such a weirdo. But the one who has to handle all the weird looks and awkward handshakes is me. All the condescending questions. Nobody is going to look at you weird or discriminate you for having a gay friend. I'm the one who suffers the consequences.
Worst thing is I was never even that flamboyant or feminine. I was just not a jock. Boys in school didn't play videogames at recess (which is what I liked), they played soccer. I hate soccer. People look at me, as a "normal" guy, and then they wonder why a guy like me is treated with female pronouns. They find it so weird. I always felt like that. Like I had to explain myself to people all the time. Justify my existence. Again, because the identity THEY imposed on me didn't match who I WAS.
Everytime I tried showing a more "masculine" side, they'd laugh at me. I didn't recognise a Madonna song? Just "overcompensating". I had a role to play and I couldn't play anything but.
Why did I even let this happen for so long? Because I was shy, insecure, desperate for aproval. I come from an abusive family. I needed friends. I just went along with it. I should've shut them up right at the beggining. But I didn't. I was too weak.
It took me ages to find out how much damage this did to me. I thought I had problems socializing. Of course I did. The problem was someone else picked an identity for me I didn't feel comfortable with. Whenever I showed a more "sociable" side, they'd go like "see? you're not as autistic as you make yourself out to be!". The problem isn't me IT'S THE IDENTITY YOU'RE IMPOSING ON ME!!!
I'm getting more in touch with my masculinity now. When they see me they'll act like I'm in denial... I'm not in denial about anything. You were the ones denying my masculinity all along. I know who the fuck I am and who I don't want to be. I am a man. I am not your pet or your woke medal.