Actually, after giving it more thought, I’ve rrsolved the issue in my mind.

Basically, I was expecting gender to be strictly related to masculinity and femininity, which is why it made no sense to simultaneously say that mean didn’t have to be masculine while also coming up with new labels.

The conclusion that I reached is that gender is not just about how masculine or feminine you are, but also your subjective associations of these terms as well as your subjective interpretations of social standards.

So while my NB friend is more masculine than I am, he doesn’t identify with his mental association of what it means to be a man, whereas I do. And that mental association is the result of personal experiences, but only masculinity and femininity is inborn.

But I disagree with what you said about neurodivergence. Neurodivergent people don’t just feel different. Their brains literally process information differently. It only becomes an identity topic when social expectations are considered.