Lies. Deception.

When my then girlfriend, now wife was in college, she would write all the essays for her GE English classes the day before, or sometimes even the morning of the day they were due. One semester she (and I, but not at the same time) had a particularly... I don’t know what word to use, but she was a career junior college English professor, and I mean that in the worst way possible.

“This is the most important class you’ll take in your college career;” I’m an ME; no the fuck it ain’t.

“Make sure you eat a full breakfast every day, because you’ll need the energy for this class;” we’re watching recorded PBS productions of Romeo and Juliet and filling in the blanks in lines from the play; I think I’ll be fine.

“I’m handing out 10 essay prompts now, at the beginning of the semester. One of these will be the prompt for the essay on the final exam now. You should be writing rough drafts throughout the semester to prepare.” Uh huh. That sounds more important than the 8 hours a day of homework I get for differential equations; I’ll get right on that.

You get the picture. Anyway, I said my wife would write all her essays for that class the day of, with no prep. Without fail, she would get an A, and that professor would pick her work as an example of what good preparation and starting early could accomplish. I’ve read my wife’s essay writing; I don’t want to speak badly about her writing, but let’s just say that editing is an important part of her process, and she didn’t even reread these essays, let alone edit them. But my wife kept her mouth shut every time.

That professor pulled my wife aside after class one day towards the end of the semester. She was putting together a writing workshop for the next semester, and wanted my wife to be involved. Most people would know to interpret laughing back in your face as a no, but as I established, this professor wasn’t that perceptive.

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