Hey, I don't really know what to say except, don't. I don't know your situation but I know the feeling of being suicidal. I was, I made plans, I wrote messages to my family, I was taken to the hospital and kept there for days. And when I came home I just felt like I needed a better plan so I can't be "caught" and shoved in a hospital again. I was lucky that I had an old teacher that I kept in touch with and he checked in on me a lot. But I do remember feeling alone, I lived on my own and I had very little real friends. I don't have any real advice because I don't know your situation and I don't know if I'm qualified to give you any advice.. but for me, I am at a place I never imagined possible back then. Now I absolutely love being alone and I have a life that makes me content. I really think when you're suicidal something changes in your brain, and when you're not suicidal anymore the brain changes again. Because now I would think "oh my life is a bit meaningless/bland" or I just feel kind of numb, but I don't have those strong desires to die anymore and I can't really explain why.

In summary, I hear your pain, I'm sorry for your pain, I hope you find the courage to hang on. For me, it got better, I don't know if it will for you, but I really really hope it does.