Hey there,

Very late to respond but I just unearthed this SEAL sub (and created a throwaway so I could post). Yes; marriage facilitates huge financial benefits, principally BAH - monthly tax-free housing allowance that is between $1-3k, depending on your grade and the cost of living wherever your wife is. VA is something like $1500, San Diego closer to $2k. Other benefits are health, tuition assistance (plus could include in-state tuition rates, if she's at a public grad school), separation pay if you're deployed or training away for an extended period, etc.

I think /u/isthisforealz makes great points, but I disagree about waiting until after SQT to get married if you're already certain you want to marry your girl - mainly for financial reasons but also for the sake of her position in the community/ in your life. I'm speaking as someone who was with her guy for 2+ years prior to him getting a contract, moved across the country to be with him right after BUD/S & got engaged mid-SQT; your situation sounds familiar. Just for further context and only bc it's not that typical in the teams, I have a good career and can support both of us very comfortably (he is enlisted, none of that officer money coming in).

My advice would be to get the papers signed ASAP and begin to collect your benefits; in my mind, the courthouse document is just part of the administrative work-up to being married. Free money. If we could go back, we'd take a hint from many others: get the documents signed early on in order to begin collecting. Plenty of people will go through the paperwork early on in their engagement but don't consider themselves "husband and wife" in any sense but legally until they exchanged vows in front of friends and family. On the other hand, TONS of guys will have a quick ceremony, etc., even on bootcamp grad weekend so it's financially possible for their girl to move out and be with them during BUD/S & SQT (which I think is premature, given the washout rates). Others will get married and have their wife hang out in Nebraska or Florida or wherever is home until they're through SQT, know where they're going next, or the time is right for that transition. That Navy money is what facilitates the move and keeps her afloat while she looks for a job in VA Beach or San Diego. They will pay for household relocation and yes, you'll be able to live off-base with her wherever you are.

The more important thing is that there is no point in waiting if you are very, very sure you want to marry her and she knows what she's getting into. The cycle of being gone constantly begins with boot and may not end until you're out, so she needs to get used to it and transition, connect with the community etc as early as possible. No one will understand and support her transition better than women who have experienced or are experiencing it.

My advice would be different if you hadn't been with her for so long/ prior to you entering the pipeline. No discredit to women who meet their men once they're already in the teams, but a woman who rides out that pipeline with you has already proven, at least in part, her ability to handle what's coming and you know she loves you for reasons other than the thrill of being with a SEAL. Also just in terms of status.. obviously people who are new to relationships don't have this same pressure, but I always felt I had to be defensive about the fact that we weren't married but had been together for a few years and I had relocated for him. I have a pretty impressive career/ background, am in mid-late 20s, and I had 20-year old SEAL wives telling me I was a straight-up idiot for moving without a ring on my finger. If she's pursuing advanced degrees she is probably a driven, smart person but she won't be spared comments that are at best somewhat condescending, or at worst straight-up snarky. Again, I think this issue is unique to long-term girlfriends so if you can spare her that awkwardness, do it.

This is a lot of info and probably more perspective than you need, but your story sounds familiar and I wish that we would have taken advantage of resources designed to make this weird life easier. Good luck!