I think the most stark difference between my first marriage and my second is that my first husband was never able to spontaneously and intuitively meet my need for intimacy.

Not just in the physical sense, but on an emotional level too. Over time there were walls put up between us which we weren’t able to pull down - so even if we were having more sex, because it wasn’t an organic desire to be close to each other it felt empty.

In my new relationship it’s completely different. We meet each other joyfully, and the desire for one another is based in something more beautiful, we ache to be close to one another; to give each other pleasure and to be close to one another.

It recharges us and no matter how tired or stressed we are, our intuitive desire to be close to one another overrides the negative stuff. More than that, it’s a cure for those things.

Taking that time each day to deeply connect, grounds us and resets us.

But it’s not just the moments when we’re naked.. that connection remains throughout the day.. the playfulness and joyfulness of that intuitive and organic connection reverberates through the day, we flirt and touch and tease and revel in making each other laugh, so the sex is just a natural extension of that, rather than something we have to remind ourselves to do, or something we have to tick off our to do list.

So when I say he lights me up, I don’t just mean sexually (although that is certainly the case) I mean it in a thousand different ways, the sound of his laugh lights me up, the way he looks at me across the room lights me up, the way he looks at our daughter, the sight of him with flour on his nose because he’s baking me cinnamon scrolls, seeing him asleep in our bed, the way he smiles when he gets home after a long day at work and does his little sigh because being back home in the bubble makes him so happy, the way he’ll walk past and graze the small of my back with his hand as we do chores, the sound of his voice when he talks about me to his family - filled with pride and love.

They are all the building blocks to feeling connected to one another, and once you start removing all the other blocks, even if you can get the sex one back, without the foundation, the sex feels.. contractual rather than something genuine and generous and connecting.

Does that answer your question?