Don’t give up on it - frankly for me the rougher the better but have identical problem you have with my current partner. I am not physically built for what he is and can do and realized he was holding back and said harder…..4 seconds later both hands went up and if I had of had a white flag would have been waving it.
I will say that the first night we were together-for about 6 hours - at the end I was literally crying yet as he said he didn’t really know me intimately but I was hanging on to him and saying yes and please so he didn’t stop. He is not a monster but a pleaser and now makes sure I am truly prepared before he ever penetrates me - at the point you have had 8 or so orgasms that you are truly at a point where you won’t feel as much pain and you should have a safe word or signal - I can’t talk coherently at that point - but he and I have learned many positions that make that pounding less likely to be unbearable but actually I get truly excited and am so wet that I am literally splashing on him. I hate lube and it makes it worse.
The other skill I acquired was to learn to throat him without gagging-I found a YouTube video - I always start there as I know that my mouth and throat will handle more than ever imagined and it gives me that break I need.
What I have learned is transparency,communication and look online for advice as well - it has gone from crying to me begging him to be rough over a year. The throating is a real saving grace as he is so hot for my mouth and the next morning I always start his day that way but I orgasm while throating him because he is so turned on that my response is to his pleasure so I am not lacking sacrificing anything. I will take more pain in my mouth and throat and make it all into an incredible never ending better experience every time.
But you have to literally take care of yourself physically emotionally and mentally. Find out from a better doctor or do research on your own. I have never had a yeast or bladder infection and do not douche at all as I eat plant based and there is no need for me to so there are things you may be doing to make it worse or there may be something that will make it heal faster. Come up with answers together not alone. You will grow as a couple.