Hey, Man.

I just wanted to say your post resonated incredibly deeply with me, and that you shouldn’t ever let anyone tell you you’re ‘expecting too much of people’ when it comes to bereavement like this.

Yes, death is hard to talk about. Yes, it’s awkward. Yes, people don’t want to bring it up and say the wrong thing and upset you when you’re already vulnerable. But there’s a whole internet out there full of resources these people who have offered to be there for you can access to overcome those issues. If they can’t even expend the effort to google up how to talk to a friend who is grieving when they open up, those people aren’t worth your time at the end of the day.

The same thing happened to me when my mom died suddenly. Everyone gave me the “I’m here for you’ shtick, but within weeks they didn’t want to hear about it anymore because THEY wanted to just get on. Past the funeral, everyone wants you to shut up and put up because death ‘uNseTtLes’ their sense of normalcy. Well, guess what - we can’t just move on. And although no, we can’t expect the world to stand still for us forever, friends should sometimes come back and sit with us for a while so we’re not left completely alone.

I only had two friends prior to her death. One of them hasn’t contacted me once after the funeral despite my reaching out and trying to talk about everything but the issue for their sake. The other one didn’t even come to the funeral because of selfish reasons and then ended our friendship when I finally confronted them and told them it hurt so, so much that they couldn’t spare an hour for me on the hardest day of my life.

I lost my Mom, but I also lost my only two friends because to them, when I finally really needed them, I apparently wasn’t worth the effort. I see one of them still on social media posting about supporting others, about supporting social movements that require people to listen to people’s issues empathetically and genuinely, about how much they love being a supportive friend - and every single time, it’s a kick to the teeth, because this person left me to grieve completely alone.

As you said, losing a parent really makes you realise a hard truth about other people, and only you can take care of you because nobody else has to care about you. I am so sorry you’re in this situation, and I’m so, so, so sorry for your loss. I hope your siblings and partner continue to prove themselves to be a network you can rely on because that’s the least you can ask for after something so horrible happening.