I won't have kids, but I did babysit my niece a lot when she was an infant. I spanked her when she got into things or did things repeatedly that she knew she shouldn't. She was a toddler and didn't understand the connection and I sometimes I would get so frustrated after that she wouldn't "behave" and did the same thing yet again that I had already spammed her for, that next spamming was just raw anger. Always just with my hand, but I didn't like how it made me feel about myself, losing control and seeing no results, just hurting a child.

So I stopped. I put things up where she couldn't reach, child-proofed the house (locks on cabinets, etc.) and if she did something she had been told not to, she got timeout and when it was time to get out I asked her, "Do you know why you got in trouble?" She would say what she had done and then I would tell her why something like that was dangerous and she understandstood - and she would never do it again. She wasn't scared of consequences for doing something "bad" or being caught - she knew I loved her and wanted her to be safe. She also knew that if she needed something, like a snack or wanted to go into another room, I would go with her or get it for her. No more fridge raids, no more plundering through drawers - if I had something she couldn't play with on her own, I would shar not with her and put it back when it we were done.

I also grew up with abuse - I never understood why I got into trouble for "sassing" or talking back. I didn't know what that meant, it felt arbitrary and the imlediate spankings with no conversation about why what I said was disrespectful or inappropriate didn't help me grow, but stunted me. Kids are not stupid - they require a lot of work, yes, but if you have them that is what you have to prepare for. You ar me raising another person - if your PC screws up, hitting it won't help. You have to troubleshoot and understand what the problem is, then go in there and spend a few hours fixing it. Or just pay someone else - maybe military school is in your kids future?