Speaking of boundaries, maybe when I assert mine and tell you you don’t know our situation and to stop the extremely unsolicited armchair, tough love, blamey defense of someone abusive, you should. My sibling doesn’t self sacrifice—they just require partners to and discards them when there’s nothing left for them to give. They are incapable of being emotionally present for anyone. But I’m sure you’d just blame their partners for that, too.

I apologize that “Gee, it would be nice if they helped with our dying grandparent instead of vanishing yet again and leaving me to do it on my own” is so controversial to you. Self care is the only care my sibling and my Nmom practice. They have that in common, and that’s why I’m in this sub. You can pressure everyone you want to go LC or NC because that’s what worked for you in your unique situation, but you don’t practically know everyone’s situation or the emotional landscapes and complexities of their families so perhaps stop weighing in where your opinion wasn’t asked.